I Believe this is Called Thiefshipping
by Akirys
Summary: Despite the title (I do not own YGOTAS), this is not exactly Thiefshipping. It's more of an on-the-fence, whatever-the-audience-wants story. So if you like slash, go ahead and take it out of the dialogue. If not, wonderful! In this oneshot, Bakura and Marik discuss their evil plan in Battle City and quickly find out why they work best alone. Rated K plus for a little bit of blood.


Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh.

~*Q*~

"So tell me, what is it you expect me to gain from this battle I'm dueling for you, Marik?"

Yami Bakura and Marik, the top two favorite villains of fangirls everywhere, were negotiating in a deserted alley in Domino City, Japan. After Marik had nearly run Bakura over on a motorcycle, they had decided to become allies and work together to defeat Yugi, the Pharaoh, and their incompetent cheerleaders. The two weren't friends - far from it - but they had decided that Battle City was an excellent opportunity for mayhem, and they wanted to make the most of it.

"I told you, I'm a collector, like you." Marik answered. Bakura sneered at that. "Win me the cards I want and the items are yours."

The accomplices grinned. Evilness was practically radiating from the alleyway. It was an extremely dramatic moment. Then…"So what do we do now?"

Marik scowled, drama ruined. "What?"

"I mean, do you have a plan or not? We can't just stand here and play fanservice all day, for Ra's sake!"

The tombkeeper glared at Bakura. "Of course I have a plan, you twit."

He leaned against the brick wall and crossed his arms. "Well?"

Marik sighed and sat on a Dumpster, sliding his Milllennium Rod out of his belt loops and laying it across his lap. "I - _we - _are going to kidnap the Pharaoh's friends and use them as bait to make him duel my Rare Hunters. If necessary, I'll enslave the minds of some of them - namely that blonde duelist, Joey - and force them to battle Yami and throw his concentration off."

"Kidnapping," Bakura nodded. "Excellent. And where, may I ask, do I come in?"

"I'm getting to that. The Pharaoh and Seto Kaiba are searching for them as we speak, and they're being stalked by two of my unnoticed mind slaves. They will distract Yami, slow him down. Meanwhile, I have spies keeping tabs on the rest. You said you've met that little 'gang' before, so I'm using _you_ to get close, gain their trust, and perhaps separate them so I can hold them hostage. What the heck, I'll track down Kaiba's little brother too. He'll be useful in helping me obtain Obelisk the Tormentor."

"The Egyptian god? Is that the card you want to take?"

Marik brushed him off. "One of the three. Now, do you understand the plan?"

"While Yami and Kaiba are being monitored and detoured, we find their their friends and kidnap them. Of course I understand! Except, how exactly are we going to get you close to them using me? I don't suppose I can just invite all of you over for tea and biscuits at my house?" Bakura said sarcastically.

The blonde hesitated. "Eh…"

Bakura facepalmed. "Oh, brilliant. I've teamed up with an improv comedian."

"Shut up!" Marik snapped. "I met you about half an hour ago, do you really expect me to have every detail hashed out already?! How about I meet Yami's friends as we go to visit your hospital bed in the intensive care unit?"

"A true comedian. I like this bloody plan already." Bakura said dryly.

Marik grabbed his Rod and jumped up. He was about to retort when a thought struck him. "Wait…maybe we can!"

"Yes, and maybe we can get married and raise a herd of llamas for fifty years before retiring."

"I'm serious, you imbecile!" Marik insisted. "Probably not about you getting seriously hurt, sadly, but perhaps you can stage an injury and I'll go to them for help. Then I'll kidnap them while they're distracted. If you stay in the hospital so I know where you are, it'll be easier for me to contact you via telepathy and tell you what to do if anything else needs to be done. I'm thinking about getting us in the Battle City finals - the Pharaoh and company are sure to be there and it's always nice to have a backup plan."  
"Hmm," the whitenette mused. "That's not a bad idea, actually. However, simply staging an injury won't fool the doctors, so I'll have to be a little more convincing." He pushed himself off the wall and rummaged in his back pocket, then cursed. "I don't have my knife. I could use my Millennium Ring, but the blood is so hard to clean off the spikes…"

Marik smirked and held the Rod out. "I'd be glad to help."

Bakura snorted. "You're not bloody touching me. That golden stick is too dull, anyways."

"Is it?" The blonde unsheathed the artifact, revealing the dagger inside.

His partner-in-crime's eyes widened. "Impressive."

"I know. Do you want it or not?" Bakura grunted and reached for it, but Marik snatched it back suddenly. "You're not getting both Items at once. Trade me the Ring for a few seconds."  
"Fine," Bakura sighed, looping it from around his neck and passing it off. "Just don't hold it too far away, or I won't be able to keep my host in submission."

Marik nodded and handed him the Rod, then froze. "Wait…you won't be able to keep your _what?"_

"You thought Yugi's the only one sharing a body?" Bakura grinned at the look on Marik's face. He then held out his left arm and deftly slashed the Rod across it, not even wincing. "That's a lot of blood - Ra, that thing's sharper then I expected. Hold on a second…" He reached into his pocket and withdrew a roll of cloth, skillfully wrapped several inches around his arm one-handed, and stuck it back in his pocket. "Much better. I always keep some supplies with me, injuries tend to happen a lot."

"I wonder why." Marik took back his Millennium Item, shook some blood off and recapped it. "Let me see where the targets are." Closing his eyes, he pressed his thumb against the Eye of Horus and concentrated for about half a minute, silently communicating with his lackeys. "The mind slaves say they're about nine blocks away; Joey's won his duel, the lucky mutt. We'll have to get into position about now."

"Right." Bakura started to head for the mouth of the alley, but Marik stopped him. "Wait a minute - why would Yugi's friends try to help us? I mean, they've never seen me, but _you_ look…evil. Not the type who would go begging for help because of an overgrown paper cut."

Bakura smiled coldly. "I can fix that."

Marik snorted and looked down at his Rod, twirling it between his fingers. "This is a stupid idea. It'd be much easier to just kidnap first, gain trust later…"

"Are you sure about that?" Bakura asked. _Wait a minute… _

The tombkeeper looked up and suppressed a yelp. It was Bakura - sort of. His angular facehad become sweet and open, with softer white hair and doe-brown eyes. He was, in a word, cute. You'd think that the transformation vice versa would be scarier, but somehow no.

"For the love of Isis, what happened to you?" he demanded.

"Marik, meet my other half, Bakura," the whitenette said in a new, gentle voice. "Of course, we're both named Bakura, but I'm Yami Bakura. No one ever calls me that, though, they really just say Bakura for both of us."

"…Holy Ra, that's confusing."

"It's easier to keep track of in the manga," Bakura assured him, his voice roughening back into the original but his appearance remaining the same.

"Wait a second. Obviously you're a spirit as well. I'm guessing this _other_ Bakura is also your reincarnation?" Marik asked.

"Yes."

"And, unlike Yugi and the Pharaoh, you remain in control almost full time?"

"Precisely."

"I see." Marik still looked confused and even somewhat uncomfortable at that, so Bakura leered and changed the subject. "So what about you? Won't they recognize your voice or something?"

"Probably not. But, well… this nasally thing isn't really my real voice. I just use it to, you know, sound super evil and threatening and stuff," Marik mumbled.

"And I thought Kaiba's ego was big," Bakura snickered, returning fully to his 'yami' self. "Come on, the bloody cheerleading squad is almost here by now. Plus, I can't stay in my host's form for too long or he might start waking up again. That's how they trust me, by the way - the fools always seem to assume it's my weak other half in control."

"Of course." Marik agreed, in a much less harsh voice, and holstered his Millennium Rod. He adjusted his shirt slightly to partially cover it. "We should hurry. We can stay behind that corner and wait until they get close enough for the acting to begin." Bakura nodded, and the two strode out of the alley and stealthily approached the corner. If they timed it right, they could step out from behind it and trick Yugi's little group into giving them help. Oh, they'd be helping all right.

"They're coming," the blonde hissed.

"Good," Bakura murmured. Then suddenly, he switched to his nicer half in the blink of an eye and collapsed against Marik's shoulder and halfway into his arms.

"Ow!" he groaned. "What was that for?"

"Shut up, you dolt. We want this to be realistic."

"Whatever." Marik waited a beat. The targets were only five yards away. "Hold on - Bakura?"

"What _is _it?"

"Why would they take us all the way to a hospital just because you're wearing a bandage?"

In Marik's arms, Bakura cracked opened his eyes and smirked. "Because we're following the 4Kids dub version, obviously. The characters will believe anything. It's really rather sad. Shh, they're here! Lights, camera, _action!"_

Marik stumbled from behind the corner, right into Tea's cry of alarm. Time for the fun to really begin.

~*Q*~

A/N Watch the actual episode to find out what happens next-I had this random idea, so I just decided to make a oneshot on what happened in between Marik and Bakura's plan to work together and them executing it. The first two lines of dialogue are actually in the 4Kids episode. Again, it's not exactly Thiefshipping since I myself don't ship it (yet), but you can squeeze whatever you want out of it.


End file.
